Today I officially begin—again—working toward my original goal for this website (see my introduction above). It has been nearly two years since I’ve posted anything here. Frankly, it has taken me that long just to wrap my brain around one of the basic but critical premises upon which my goal is based, which is this: how we view the world around us is shockingly dependent on how we view ourselves. I have heard it often said that, if you want to know the state of your mental health, just take a look around you. What is the general character of what you see? Is it pleasant or not-so-pleasant? Those familiar with basic Freudian psychology will probably recognize the term projection. Simply put, we mentally project onto other people our repressed “unacceptable” emotions and beliefs about ourselves which our psyches are convinced would be too horrific to consciously acknowledge. Rage, fear, and shame are but a few of these unacceptable emotions we’ve ostensibly “bottled up.” But emotions, like recalcitrant demons, struggle mightily to be let out of their bottle. Projection is, therefore, a defense mechanism the psyche has worked out to protect itself from the potential pain of such expression—by ascribing them to other people.

Shame is one of the more potent repressed emotions. A person who has been shamed (as would, say, a man who was sexually abused as a boy) often has great difficulty dealing with the unique and often debilitating pain of self-loathing that is a hallmark of shame. To openly acknowledge this self-loathing, to actually feel it, might be more than he can realistically stand. Hence, he will likely project it onto others. Now, his pain and inability to succeed can be blamed on others, whom he now believes are judging him. Best of all, he can depart their company and dissociate from their (imagined) hatred/judgment, which he now sees as their problem, not his. Unfortunately, he will simply transfer his projection to the next person he comes in contact with, and the next, and the next, until it seems to him that the entire world plainly sees his fatal flaw and judges him for it.

I will deal later with some of the more common causes of shame and the various ways it can manifest. But for the time being, I’d like to share with you a story from my own personal experience that relates to shame. Read it here. And please feel free afterward to leave a comment on the story, particularly if you’ve had an experience that is in any way similar. Thanks for reading, and I’ll have more very soon.

Sometimes it’s hard to let go of our entrenched beliefs about people who are “different” from us. But occasionally we come upon events that serve to strip away the outer appearances, revealing that we really are cut from the same Divine Fabric. In this story, it was a beloved pet’s funeral. (Read this post)

For any of us men who might be interested in educating ourselves about the role of men in twenty-first century America, the following collection of thoughts might well serve as a brief introduction, a teaser, if you will, to stimulate reflection. The first are quotes from the seminal book, (Read this post)

There’s a great scene (one of several, actually) in the movie The Right Stuff. Chuck Yeager, the Air Force test pilot who earlier in the movie had become the first man to travel faster than the speed of sound, was now test-flying a new fighter jet, the F-104 Starfighter, to determine its altitude ceiling and to possibly break the high-altitude record currently held by the Russians. The flight plan called for Yeager to climb… (Read this post)

Chronic Neck Pain — Ouch!

I have some great neck pain exercises, including herniated disk exercises and even TMJ neck pain exercises which, if you do them religiously, will amaze you in their effectiveness. I’ll get to them shortly. But first, a little background on my own story and how (Read this post)

I first joined the US Navy thirty years ago, while I was still a junior in college. The recruiter was happy to sign me up, but he was blunt about the rigors of the physical exam, which I was scheduled to undergo thirty days after I signed the enlistment (Read this post)

Step One: Learn The True Meaning Of Love
I remember hearing an anecdote several years back about a famous Hollywood couple. My recollection is, they were Natalie Wood and Robert Wagner, but I won’t swear to it. The story went thusly: Natalie apparently awoke one morning and looked over (Read this post)

I concluded Part One of this two-part article with a question:

“What if I’m not happy in my current relationship? What’s wrong with choosing to love someone else, especially when the one I’m with now is so difficult to love? Do we practice and learn to develop love merely for its own sake? Can’t I be happy, too?”

Let’s continue. (Read this post)

What???
I recall, sometime in the late ‘seventies, an article appearing in the pages of Reader’s Digest. On the cover was this provocative title: “How To Kill Your Husband.” Of course, the article’s true subject was exactly opposite: how to keep your husband alive, and it extolled the virtues of (Read this post)

My wife Jeanie and I, for one reason or another, got to talking the other day about smoking. How annoying and nasty the habit is, how grateful we are that neither of us ever got started on it, and how sad we feel for the people we know who (Read this post)